I am doing okay. I haterelying on reminiscence though. It's starting to slur the lines between what I want and reality.
It's caused me to be so bi-polar these past few days. During the day, I am so self-sufficient and then nighttime hits or I will be in a certain environment and I will miss him all over again.
Especially when I am in my own bed and the streaks of light from outside shaves the top of my loft with all these images and memories.
I just want to get to the point where my heart has caught up with my mind. I just need time.
Tonight I went downtown to the Pickford by myself to photograph this film showing and book signing of this really awesome author/illustrator named Brian Selznick.
Selznick writes these amazing children's books, and illustrates them like graphic novels.
I picked one of them up from the library today, "The Invention of Hugo Cabaret." I hope it occupies my mind so that the sounds of my roommate and her boyfriend do not.
Ladies and gentle-men, all I know is that Spring Break is going to be so therapeutic. Going to Brooklyn and exploring the veins of the city through the subway with a camera and the warmth of my friends is all the medicine I need now. Honestly.
It's that thuggish ruggish bone. I don't want to lose who I am.
Last night I went to Fonte Fest in Anacortes. It was at
theDepartment of Safety. I don't think I have ever felt so safe in my life. Well, I met this guy Kenneth from the Tri-Cities. I took his portrait and we talked about post-depression experiences, love life, travel, black eyes, hating and loving Bellingham, etc.
I forget the name of this band but I remember their music being really good and how that still didn't help my shitty state of mind. It was like the kind of music that has that undertone that just claws at your heart and it's so good but it would show up as the background music for the most ironically depressing part of a movie.
Augustine's "band", Post Post Fuck Fuck, played last. They were a group of Bellingham rrriot girrrrls yelling about having your girlfriend's check your cervix and sexual assault in the community.
At one point we all held hands and screamed and banged on shit. It was very therapeutic, to say the least.