? ? ?

Did that week really just happen?

My heart shakes in its boots every time I think about it.

I love you my New York lovelies.

keep your eyes peeled for pictures from the trip and a short movie i'm working on:)

Ridiculousness In The Eye Of The Beholder

There's no denying it. I am preparing myself for this trip in a ridiculous manner. 

T-minus

I am sitting in my room. The sun is out. I am out. I am listening to Wolf Parade. I am trying not be a lone wolf. 

Part of the recipe is getting out of here.

For taste, I am respecting my emotions more over those who don't give a flying, aerodynamic fuck about me. In 4 days I will be on a plane, giving a flying, aerodynamic fuck about me.

 This has been the most long drawn out wait of my entire life. You

 would think I am pregnant. The past days have been better but have really helped expose a new side of people. Some good, some bad. 

At the moment, I am erasing every residue of annoyance that is crusting over in my brain from certain people and calling it a day. I am going to start making changes to clean my mind up. 

See you later Bellingham. 

For my East-Coast darlings, I will see you soon. So soon. 

Lone Wolf

errrg. errrg. errrg.

With only ten days until I will be tugging at the sleeves of the New York skyline and saturating the walkways of the Brooklyn Bridge with pure felicity you would think I would be doing better.

This is stupid. Everyday is a bi-polar struggle.

 I miss him. I got this. I feel useless. I am strong. I just want to be friends. I miss my family. I just want to be with them. 

Watching my roommate and her boyfriend turn our room into a 3 person room and hearing the sounds of kissing echo through my room every night for the past 2 weeks is not that fun.

  Because of all of this I find myself reaching out to strangers a lot more. Took a picture of this girl I don't know. I think she's beautiful.

 

Woe is me in thermal-camera mode. Pretty ridiculous? Check.

N(ew) Y(ork) C(ares)

I am doing okay. I hate relying on reminiscence though. It's starting to slur the lines between what I want and reality.

 It's caused me to be so bi-polar these past few days. During the day, I am so self-sufficient and then nighttime hits or I will be in a certain environment and I will miss him all over again.

  Especially when I am in my own bed and the streaks of light from outside shaves the top of my loft with all these images and memories. 

I just want to get to the point where my heart has caught up with my mind. I just need time. 

***

Tonight I went downtown to the Pickford by myself to photograph this film showing and book signing of this really awesome author/illustrator named Brian Selznick.

Selznick writes these amazing children's books, and illustrates them like graphic novels. 

I picked one of them up from the library today, "The Invention of Hugo Cabaret." I hope it occupies my mind so that the sounds of my roommate and her boyfriend do not.

*** 

Ladies and gentle-men, all I know is that Spring Break is going to be so therapeutic. Going to Brooklyn and exploring the veins of the city through the subway with a camera and the warmth of my friends is all the medicine I need now. Honestly. 

It's that thuggish ruggish bone. I don't want to lose who I am. 

The Stranger

Boy, what a shitty weekend!

Euwww grossss human emotions suck! Sometimes I

 wish I was a heartless robot, really-really.

Last night I went to Fonte Fest in Anacortes. It was at

 the Department of Safety. I don't think I have ever felt so safe in my life. Well, I met this guy Kenneth from the Tri-Cities. I took his portrait and we talked about post-depression experiences, love life, travel, black eyes, hating and loving Bellingham, etc.

I forget the name of this band but I remember their music being really good and how that still didn't help my shitty state of mind.  It was like the kind of music that has that undertone that just claws at your heart and it's so good but it would show up as the background music for the most ironically depressing part of a movie.

Augustine's "band", Post Post Fuck Fuck, played last. They were a group of Bellingham rrriot girrrrls yelling about having your girlfriend's check your cervix and sexual assault in the community.

 At one point we all held hands and screamed and banged on shit. It was very therapeutic, to say the least.

Everything is Everything

I took some pictures for my college newspaper, The Western Front, of some Korean and Japanese exchange students at a Global Gathering event. They made these really glitzy, feathered masks and right now my state of mind is so shitty that thinking about how much fun those students had makes me so happy. 

I wish I had my own mask right now.